How To Know If You are A Dangerous Listener, From A Therapist

A superb listener is ready to be completely current and targeted whereas the opposite particular person is speaking. “We may be current by listening and resisting the temptation to interpret, assume, predict, or provide you with a reply whereas the particular person continues to be speaking,” licensed therapist Steph Tuazon, LCSW, not too long ago advised mbg.

To Tuazon’s level, you may let you know’re not really listening to the opposite particular person if, whereas they’re speaking, you’re additionally fascinated with what you wish to say in response. In case you’re in your head analyzing their phrases as they’re nonetheless talking—or worse, making an attempt to interrupt them to insert your individual feedback—that’s an enormous signal that you simply’re not listening nicely.

Why? As a result of your focus is definitely on getting your individual level throughout (or proving your level proper, or proving your companion’s level incorrect), relatively than really understanding what’s being mentioned to you, and ensuring the speaker feels understood—the largest marks of a very good listener.

To know in case you actually perceive your companion’s level, Tuazon suggests making an attempt repeating again what you heard proper after they completed talking. In case you can’t repeat what they mentioned precisely, then you definately weren’t really listening. 

One other nice take a look at for you: After a tense dialog or argument along with your companion (or whoever), see in case you can precisely clarify their perspective to a different particular person—importantly, with out your judgment, interpretation, or opinions inserted into it. Why have been they upset? What did they really say in response to particular belongings you introduced up?

“Not being current in a dialog can appear to be lacking a complete dialog,” she notes. In case you can’t actually give a play-by-play of their aspect of the dialog, that’s a transparent signal that you simply didn’t actually perceive or internalize what they mentioned—in different phrases, your listening expertise may most likely use some work.